Going after the life you want might sound great but how do you even start? And what if you’re not sure what it is that you want? Here are some thoughts on how to get started.

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Figure out what you DON’T want

Still not sure what you want to do with your life even if you’re *insert random age here*? Try to look at it from the opposite end. Figuring out what we don’t want can often be somewhat easier than trying to pin down the specifics of our “dream life”.

Maybe you have a hard time waking up so the thing you don’t want is a job with fixed hours starting early in the morning? Maybe you hate doing the dishes (that’s me) so what you don’t want is living in an apartment without a dishwasher. Maybe you’re passionate about your side hustle and/or human rights so you don’t want to surround yourself with people who don’t really get that.

These are pretty simple examples but you get what I mean (hopefully) – this perspective can be used on basically anything ranging from little everyday things to big life decisions. Yes, what we don’t want can change, too, but in my experience, these feelings tend to be a bit more stable and clear than being able to point at something with confidence and say “I want exactly that and I won’t change my mind”.

If you truly have no idea where to even begin when thinking about the life you want, considering these no-no items can be a good starting point. And while you’re at it, it might inspire you to come up with an idea or two about what you DO want.

Invite your big dreams to the table

If you’re anything like me, you’re not sure about a lot of things in your “happy life” formula but you have some ideas. They might be vague and they might seem unrealistic but they don’t seem to be happy being tucked in a corner of your mind unattended. They exist in your head for a reason, so bring them to the table and consider them as valid options (as they are). Obviously, some things will be truly rather unrealistic for a human to do but I’ll let you be the judge of deciding if that’s the (rare) case.

Most of the time, our aspirations will be quite literally more down-to-earth and the mantra of “I can’t do that” playing over and over in our heads won’t be entirely true. That being said, changing our patterns and striving for something can take a lot of mental and physical energy, and sometimes, we’re not even sure if it’s worth it so we end up doing nothing to explore this dream of ours.

Make a move

But explore is what we need to do in this case. I often think about what Marie Forleo says on this topic: “Clarity comes from action, not thought.” If we never engage in an activity that we’re drawn to or we make zero steps in the direction that’s enticing for us, we gain no progress but also no clarity.

It almost goes without saying but I’ll say it anyway: You might think you want to do something but there’s a chance you won’t like it or lose interest after you try it. So it might be a good idea to actually try and find out, right?

Now, some things probably require a “go big or go home” attitude and you won’t be able to fully try them but you can usually do something to move in the desired direction. Can you try the thing on a smaller scale? Can you do a version of it on a budget or for free? Can you talk to someone who has done the thing and ask about their experience and advice? My guess is that yes, you can! So this is your sign to do the next step, however small it might be. Both your dream and you deserve it.

Make it easier for yourself

If you’re super excited to dive into your next endeavor of choice (yay!), please don’t forget to take care of yourself. You won’t be able to give anything to others and the world if you’re spent. My own experience with health problems kind of forced me to put health firmly near the very top of my priorities and to check in with myself regularly. If I ignore the warning signs, things tend to get worse rather than better.

On a more cheerful note, I highly recommend finding people who will either join you in your efforts or who will cheer for you from the sidelines and wholeheartedly support you through good times and not so good times of pursuing your dreams. If you don’t have anyone like that in your 3D life (formerly known as “real life”), worry not, online communities are full of people aspiring to things so you can totally find “your” people and support each other.

If things are not going the way you imagined, be gentle with yourself. It’s ok to make tiny steps, it’s ok to make mistakes, and it’s ok to realize that this is not what you want and to change direction (yet again). Forget the pressure of society to take steps in certain directions or to go faster. At the end of the day, you’re the one who’s going to live your life (duh) so your best bet is to make your path your own.